For God so loved...

"For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son..."

John 3:16

John 3:16...one of maybe the best known verses in the Bible. I mean you see it at football games, on street signs, etc. It's everywhere. I wonder if familiarity leads to overlooking the power of a thing? This verse means something different to me and my husband this year. Just the other night Jer looked at me and said something to the effect of "could we give her up?" Just the thought of giving my child for another and at that, for others who don't deserve her or really care that we gave her little innocent life. I immediately thought of the verse "while we were yet sinners...Christ died for the UNGODLY!" WHOA! Not only did God give up His only begotton, He gave Him up for sinners! People that would reject Him, misconstrue His message, take Him out of context, say His name in vain, produce programs proving He didn't exist or that He was just a hoax, nail Him to a cross...those are the ones He gave Him for. I am one of those "ones." We all are one of those "ones." (for ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God) I don't think I could give Zoe up if my life depended on it and that is what He did...He gave His Son for those who didn't deserve Him.

At a time when Christmas is becoming a "Happy Holiday" maybe we should all slow down and really meditate on what He gave. Isn't it unbelieveable that God, knowing all, would do what He did? It blows my new mother mind. May this Christmas bring us to a fresh understanding of His ultimate gift...the God-child, the Man who would die to take away that which we can do nothing about nomatter how hard we might try. The One who lives today...may we find that One in a deeper way this year. Merry CHRISTmas! May it be filled with Jesus, the one perfect gift...

"In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." I John 4:10

shelf life

"His thoughts said, I wonder why these special tools are used?
His Father said, "The house, when it was in building, was built of stone made ready before it was brought thither; so that there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard in the house while it was in building.
If thou knewest the disappointment it is to the builders when the stone cannot be used for the house because it was not made ready before it was brought thither, if thou knewest My purpose for thee, thou wouldest welcome any tool if only it prepared thee quietly and perfectly to fit into thy place in the house." -Amy Carmichael

Lately I have felt shelved. You know like I am on the shelf. Don't get me wrong, I like my shelf spot (home with my baby girl) but I also want so badly to be used for God's kingdom. I won't pretend to assume I should be used or that I am in a place to be used but I really want to b. I want Zoe to grow up seeing her mom and dad contributing and living for the Kingdom of God here on earth! I want to leave her a legacy worth something in heavenly currency. But right now I am on the shelf. Of my own choosing? Of my own doing?

Then comes encouragement like it always does. It comes in the form of written words, penned years and years ago by one of my favorites Amy Carmichael. These little nuggets of encouragement always come in unexpected ways and places and they always seem to speak directly to my need. I am thankful for these nuggets for they remind me of the closeness of our God. He is near. He is involved. He knows our situation and He cares about how we are. He doesn't forget us and He doesn't ever abandon us. For this I am grateful.

So now as I type from my shelf I find that there is a song to be sung and a smile to wear even in the midst of obscurity. He continues to work on me and, like Amy's nugget conveyed to me, I will be grateful for any tool that He might use to truly fit me for His use.

peace

Zoe got her shots yesterday. I have to clarify, my parents did not immunize me nor my 5 siblings until we were much older and due to that I was fearful of immunizing my daugher. FEAR...not right in the heart of a child of God. It's funny how the way that you were raised affects your life. No matter how much we change or how far away we get from our childhood we still are so affected. I see it in my marriage. We call it the cool whip debate...which is healthier cool whip or real whipped cream? Well I would say the "real thang" but my husband (who lost his grandfather when he was only 2 to a massive heart attack) was raised to eat "fat free" (even though my side of the debate is that it is loaded with chemicals ie. how I was raised). My experience with cool whip? nil...well that's not true...Mamah had it and oh I was in heaven sneaking finger fulls of it straight out of the freezer. Yeah...how we are raised definately affects us. Ignorance is bliss...if I didn't know cool whip was loaded with chemicals I might enjoy it and if I hadn't grown up hearing about all the dangers of immunizing maybe I wouldn't have been so fearful for the past 2 months of my daughter's life, absolutely fearing the worst to come out of her 2 month check-up. There is truth to the dangers (we totally researched it-only led to more fear), there are dangers either way. In the end, it is really just a choice, not whether or not to immunize but whether or not to trust; a matter of obedience.

Listen to these verses I was on the trail of this morning: John 14:1 "Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me [Jesus]," John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. DO NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED, NOR LET IT BE FEARFUL." And again in John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
There you have it in black and white. So now, as the little precious one He has given us sleeps, I say to myself "let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Thankfully we can change and make new a new course for ourselves...a course of peace and not of fear. Not because this world affords it, or that we can create it, but because He, Jesus, said it. DON'T BE AFRAID.

PEACE.

making of a mommy...

Meet Zoe Margaret Jobson...so little, so dependent, so innocent. Babies are amazing. You can learn so much from them. We chose Zoe's name because it means "life." It's the word in the Greek that means the kind of life that Jesus gives...abundant life...that is our prayer for her.
Zoe is a good baby, she has been since day 1. Currently we are having a struggle with her daytime sleep due to the fact that I created a few "sleep props" that we had to wean her off of the past few days. Can we say CRYING! There really is nothing like the sound of your own baby's cry...it causes an anxiety that I have never known. The minute I hear it my heart skips a beat. Zoe is 6 weeks old she will be 7 weeks on Tuesday. Hard to believe it's been that long it seems like yesterday we brought her home. She is a gift. Another great example of God's grace to me "in spite of myself." I look at this little life that has been entrusted to me and Jeremy and I think wow! okay Lord you see something in me that I don't! I am thankful for Zoe. I am glad that the Lord allowed her to come to us. I am happy that He chose her to teach me more about Him and especially to teach me how to live by His power. (if you've had a baby you know what I mean!)
Back to Zoe...her day goes something like this: She wakes up anywhere between 5:30-6:00 sometimes later. I am not ready to get up yet so most of the time I will take her to bed with us to nurse and dose until about 7 or 7:30. Sometimes we might fall back asleep until 8:00, that is nice:) After her morning feeding (the 8-8:30 one) I get her dressed for her day, she lays on the couch and takes in the world (that is her favorite right now-just laying on her back and looking around). After a little bit of "waketime" Zoe goes down for a nap...this is the part she doesn't care for! It goes like that for the rest of the day. Feed, play, sleep. The life of a babe! Sometimes we go out and run errands which she will usually sleep through. She has started to focus more with her eyes which is awesome. Today she just looked and looked at me. She also has started to smile...you have to work pretty hard...but she'll eventually do it. Talk about giving her mommy a happy rush! Her smile is sooooo precious, she has the cutest dimple ever! Zoe's daddy, Jeremy, is amazing with her. She loves him so much. I feel so blessed to have such an involved husband. He's pretty wonderful too.
The making of a mommy is no easy feat...it keeps you on your toes and grows your heart like nothing else. I am convinced that mommyhood is one of God's greatest tools for learning about death to self...something I have prayed to be better at for many years. May He have His way! Of all the tools He could have chosen to use this one is pretty cute.

Title of this blog...

In spite of me...I guess I should explain the name of my blog. When I was a freshman in college I guess you could say I was on the fence spiritually. I had an intense desire to follow Christ and yet had many other desires which conflicted. I was better, sometimes more than others, at denying desires opposed to following Christ, yet I still stumbled in many ways. It was during one such "stumble" that my best friend Beth said to me after I had spoken to someone about faith in Jesus, "Maggie the Lord really uses you in spite of yourself!" What truth my dear friend had spoken...she nailed it and I have never forgotten it. Even though now almost 8 years later, I don't struggle with the same issues, I still struggle and the Lord still blesses me "in spite of myself." The issues may change but I will always need the irresistable GRACE that first drew me to Himself. He is good like that...covering our sin, meeting our need, challenging our faith, being ever faithful when we are faithless at times. He is amazing and my prayer is that this Grace in spite of me will continue to draw me in and change my life...it can change us all you know!