Happy New Year

Wow...what a year! I can't believe I haven't posted since July, but then again I can believe it! This has been a great year. Hard. But so good. Jeremy and I continue to see God move in spite of ourselves which creates in us such a raw dependence on HIS grace and consistently leaves us in awe of his sovereignty and love.

Jeremy is on staff now at the Northland in Oviedo Site. He loves it...that is great for me as his wife, I LOVE that he loves what he is doing. He is also at Starbucks pursuing a position as manager so that he will have a full time, benefits paying job while having the flexibility in hours to do what he loves and that is anything that has to do with the church.

Zoe continues to amaze me. She is A LOT of fun and just like her name means...she is full of LIFE. She has to be one of the funniest little things...so serious at times but such a little goofball. She my little observer. She loves people but at first only from a distance. Her vocabulary continues to grow..."mama, dada, bird, flower (fah fah), fish, truck (uck), yuck (uck), no, yes, please (which somehow comes out "boo"), now, go (my favorite...she says this very dramatic), all done, down...and more

Sometimes she says something and I am just blown away...of course her parents are somewhat verbal:) so I wonder where she gets it! Zoe loves to sing and dance and LOVES to be outside! I think all children would stay outside all the time if we let them. Isn't that funny! We try to have outside time everyday...which I have to say I love too:)

As this year comes to a close I just want to mention some of the highlights in honor of God working and growing me and also just to reminicse...

-ZOE (I can't really say just one thing-just her little year of going from baby to a little girl)

-The kick-off of Northland in Oviedo from the mall to the highschool! So exciting!

-the continued growth and connection in that community

-Our first annual Women's Christmas Event (planning that with Stacy-so fun)

-My friendship with Ginger Friesen (going through our first year of mommyhood together, their move, our children, our husband's friendship, our reading together-such a GOD send!)

-continued growth in my relationships with family

-reading the Bible through in a year with Jeremy (one of my all time favorites)

-kayaking with allagators

-a second pregnancy (still in progress:)

-the knowledge that I will be mom to a little boy! what an honor! (can't wait to meet my little Matt!)

I am so excited to start another year. I am so glad to be on the road towards truth and love and wholeness which is only made possible through the Lord. I am really ready to continue my relationship with HIM and to really delve deeper into what it means to be HIS disciple even though I know that will require much sacrifice. I am so ready to continue to shed the old skin of self and allow the new man to break through. I am just glad to be where I am right now...just really grateful and glad that Jesus is my friend most of all.

Happy New Year!

special thank you...

Thank you Jer for my wonderful birthday...I love you...you are the best. ~M

life

I LOVE this picture! When I was pregnant with Zoe and praying for her I prayed that she might live up to the meaning of her name "life." I secretly knew that praying that she be full of life might end up to be one of the most exhausting prayers of my life (he, he). Well, yes... God has a sense of humor.
Seriously, Zoe is living up to her name. She is absolutely full of life. She is also quite the little clown she makes us laugh and fills our home with smiles.
Never in my life have I needed wisdom more and never in my life have I enjoyed something as much as I enjoy being a wife and a mom. It's not easy but then again nothing truly valuable is easy! Thank you Lord for Zoe and the life that she brings!!!!!!!!

Wecome to the late 20's

That was what my friend said on the voicemail she left me for my birthday. It's funny how the older you get the less your age really matters. I know some people get all bent out of shape about aging but I really get excited about it. Each year hopefully marks another year full of growth, change, and a deepening of my walk with the Lord. For sure some years have been a total bust but thankfully our God is the God who redeems lives.
My birthday was SO much fun I just want to write it all down to really solidify the memory. First of all I have to brag on my husband. Everything we did on my birthday took a lot of thought and planning which meant so much more than expensive gifts or fancy dinners. My day was a day spent with my best friend doing what I enjoy most: being outside experiencing creation.
Friday, the day before my birthday, we went to Lake Helen to spend the night so we could get up first thing and hit the river. Jer and his mom went and picked up the kayaks from her friend Dee (thanks again Dee) and I fed Zoe dinner. Once they got back we ate our dinner and then they brought out a cake with candles lit and sang happy birthday. Do you know how cool it was for me to sit with my daughter and watch her eyes light up as she saw a birthday cake for the first time. It is so much fun experiencing the excitement of little things with your child.
After dinner and cake Zoe was off to bed (she looks ready in the picture!) and then a relaxing evening before a big day.
We got up with Zoe at her usual 6:30am wake time and had a sweet wake up time together (one of my favorite things). Zoe loves when her daddy is home in the mornings and we are all three in our bed waking up slow. She sits in between us and "talks" climbing from Jeremy to me until we finally give in and get up!
Once we got Zoe situated with her MiMi, we headed to Starbucks (can't have a birthday without Starbucks!).
We got to Blue Springs State Park about 9:30am, carried the kayaks down to the water and were in by 10. It was BEAUTIFUL. I have really fallen in love with Florida lately. It truly is a beautiful place when seen in it's natural state. Speaking of Florida and natural state...yes, we did see gators, and yes it was a little TOO close for comfort! We headed out on the St. Johns river and went North. After talking to some locals we followed their advice and headed for a lagoon off of the river. As soon as we turned into the lagoon, Jer tells me to look left in a little bit of a nervous tone. Sure enough 20 feet away on the bank of the river, a 5 to 6 foot gator glared at us. As soon as he saw us he turned and got into the water...uh, can we say just a little nerve racking (not to mention there have been 5 attacks in our area in the past 2 months). Yea...we were in raw Florida! We saw 2 more gators after our first encounter which raised our heart rate to say the least. We paddled around out in the St. Johns for about an hour and then headed toward the springs. Wow...what a breathtaking spot. Due to the 72 degree water near the springs the gators can't hang out there so we were much more relaxed and really enjoyed ourselves. The water was crystal clear, all kinds of fish were swimming under our boats, turtles sunned themselves on fallen trees, moss filled oaks hung over the banks creating a canopy over the water. It was truly enjoyable, not to mention kayaks are SO much fun to paddle and maneuver. After we beached our kayaks and loaded them back in the truck. We headed to the spring for a swim. Wow...nothing beats swimming in a crystal clear, cold, fresh water spring. It was awesome. I can't wait to go back!
My day was so special. I am truly grateful. I also felt that the blue sky and perfect weather was a sweet little "I love you" just for me from my Father who had ordained for me to live another year. I felt His presence which is the best present of all.
My sweet husband didn't stop there. We headed back to Helene's to check on and feed Zoe, took showers and went back out to my new favorite restaurant in downtown Deland. We had a blast and ate yummy authentic Mexican food. I just love being with Jer. He and I have so much fun together...thanks Lord for putting us together what a gift.
All in all, I reflect on my birthday with a prayer of gratitude. Thankful for friends and family who showered me with love and reminded me of how extremely blessed I am. Thank you Lord so much for another year...and thank you Lord that you are SO faithful to fullfill your promises to me year after year. I now walk into my "late 20's" with an expectant heart and a sense of security that nomatter what I know WHO holds my future. A truly happy birthday!

"no such thing as easy in adult world"

Have you ever just been sitting somewhere and realize you were living your dream...that has been happening to me a lot lately. It happens the most when I am having my quiet time; PBS Kids in the background with the occasional visit from Zoe pulling up on the couch where I sit. I think about all of the prayers that I prayed for this...to be a wife and a mother. Here I am, living my dream. Is it easy? Never. To quote a really bad movie that I won't name: "there is no easy in adult world." Is that the truth or what! We have all heard it said that anything that is really worth anything is HARD. Well that is true...definitely true. I used to buck this truth. I wanted everything to come easy and like a little toddler would sometimes secretly throw tantrums with God.
I am glad that I am living this lesson right now. I am glad that I have stopped bucking it and started embracing difficulty instead. I feel alive because of it. I am forcing myself out of the comfort zone I felt I could never venture out of. I am really working on doing some things that make me nervous and I am FINALLY saying no to that self that still tries to get the best of me. Man, am I grateful. I know that until I see Jesus I will battle this die hard effort inside of me to play it safe but I am glad to be on the way.
On a different note...Jer and I saw The Davinci Code on Saturday. It has really challenged me to start reading and studying more about what I believe. It was interesting because years ago when I was in college that movie might have really rattled me but now, not at all. Jesus has covered too much ground in my life for me to doubt that He is Divine. How else would a self-diseased person like me ever begin to gain the victory! All the same, I feel I need to learn more. I know that there is evidence out there I just know enough to be dangerous! Again, hard things are always worth it so I will start studying!
Life here is good...hard, but good. I am glad to be on the narrow path. Lord knows I feel more alive the narrower it becomes.

encouraged...

This weekend was really refreshing for our family. Jeremy, Zoe, and I were privileged to have a dear friend of mine from highschool and her family stay with us. Gracy, David and their 18 month old son are getting ready to go to Asia to live the Gospel among those who have yet to hear or see the good news of Jesus Christ. Jer and I were so excited, so expectant as we prepared for their visit, but I don't think we were quite expecting the breath of fresh air we would receive through them.
Gracy and I were friends in high school. One of those friendships that only God could put together. We didn't go to school together, we didn't live in the same neighborhood, we didn't even really have the same circle of friends; we were just two young girls desperately seeking the same God. That was our common ground. All these years later, so many circumstances later, that's who we still are maybe just a little more aware, no, a lot more aware of our brokenness, His grace, and the connection of the two.
This weekend was filled with conversations, conversations alive with the spirit of God. It was also filled with so much love you could just almost touch it. Gracy and David, Me and Jeremy, Gracy and me, David and Jeremy...just so much genuine, authentic fellowship going on. So much vulnerablilty, not forced, but real sharing received with true interest and care.
Gracy and David are already spreading the gospel right here in their current circumstances. They are spreading it by the way they love. They were so interested in us. So easy to be with. So pleasant and giving. They were affirming and kind, to one another and to us. We laughed, we cried, we listened, we awakened old visions and shared our dreams. We were in the light and we were having fellowship as it speaks of in I John. It was so cool as we sat around our table and ate and truly sought to see eachother's hearts truly seeking to understand the experience of the other. We were equally interested in eachother and building the other up.
WE WERE ENCOURAGED! Encouraged to be better to each other, encouraged to not give up on God given visions and dreams, encouraged to live more holy, encouraged to minister right where we are. I am so grateful for these kind of friends. I was so grateful to see our husbands (the ones so obviously picked for us by God) connecting and encouraging eachother as husbands and men. It was cool to watch our children together. And even as I write this I am thanking God for friends He continues to give me in spite of me! Thank you Lord for giving us friends, may we be authentic friends to others, friends that bring acceptance, love, and joy into others lives.
"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."
~ I Thessalonians 5:11

king saul

I am currently doing a Beth Moore Bible study called "A Heart Like His." It is a study on one of my favorite characters in the Bible, King David. I have always loved David. I love his writings and I love his heart for God. One character that is not talked or thought about as much is King Saul. I have been amazed at how much the study of his life has taught me. Today in the study, Saul died. The first king of Israel gone and wow what I gleaned from his sad life.

Saul had a serious problem with disobedience. On numerous occasions Saul did what God told him to do with one problem, he did it halfway. He didn't do exactly what God had commanded. Saul was a master at justifying his actions in the name of the Lord and with this I can relate. I believe the Holy Spirit moved in me as I read about his life and was showing me that halfway obedience is really just disobedience and that disobedience leads to sadness. I love the Bible. I love how events that happened thousands of years ago can somehow relate to me in the present. From the life of Saul I learned that it is better to just do what God says, that I don't have a better plan and I definately don't know better than the God of the universe.

As my study of Saul comes to an end I am aware of a few truths that I don't want to forget.
One is easily said as my mom taught me when I was young "the happy way is to obey." It's really true...our own way may look good to us from time to time but it ends in sadness!
Life and freedom occurs as we do what we were created for and that is to live according to the way GOD has set for us. How much heartache I could have avoided by just living according to this principal.

Secondly, I am aware through this study that the Grace of God is nothing to take lightly. If it weren't for Jesus Christ how many of us would have already lost the precious Spirit that enables us to live this life for HIM. I am reminded that there was a time when that Spirit could be removed and as happened to Saul, a troubling spirit could take over. I am comforted by this grace. We are given second and third chances that Saul was never given. If not for the grace of God there go I. I don't want to take this grace lightly. I should be like Saul but no, God did not ordain it so. He ordained that I would be under the blood of HIS Son Jesus. I am refreshed by the gospel...and reminded why it is such GOOD news.

Just like Zoe...

Zoe is 5 months old!

Five months of growing. It really amazes me how much our little "bug" has changed. Just glancing through pictures of the past 5 months brings tears of amazement, joy, and nostalgia. Zoe is living up to her name..."Life." She is non-stop when she is awake. I have even had to stop reading while I feed her because she gets so distracted by trying to grab the book from me. Zoe is interested in everything and if she is able to actually grab something she puts it directly into her mouth. She is a happy little girl, lighting up my mornings with an excited smile as I pick her up from her night of sleep. She has mastered the art of rolling over and spends most of her time on her tummy pushing herself up to explore her world.

I am in awe of Zoe. This little person that the God of the universe has fashioned so perfectly and entrusted to me. Zoe fascinates me. She makes me think. She makes me think a lot about how we all started out like her: excited about every new day, happy to see the ones she loves, interested in everything around her, and completely innocent to anything remotely evil. Life is so simple for Zoe. She relies unknowingly on me for food, rest, and play. She loves to be held and is so easily pleased with just being picked up by mom or dad. Oh to live life so simply.

What if we all were excited about every new day, happy to see the ones we love, interested in everything around us, and completely innocent of evil? Is that maybe what Christ speaks of when He says "unless you become as a little child you will by no means enter the kingdom"?

I want to be more like Zoe. I want to light up the face of God when He sees me. I want to smile at complete strangers. I want to be... Just be.

Wow...it has really been awhile since I have written. I really have never been good at being consistent with things like this but I have decided that it is important that I do so. In order to be consistent I am going to update my blog every Tuesday...Tuesday? Why Tuesday? Well, because Jer works early on Tuesday and because it's just going to be my blog day.

It's quiet here in my home today. Zoe is sleeping and I am still in my PJ's. I really try to get dressed for my day before now but today I am still in my PJ's. I've got to get out of them by noon...it's just not right to be in your PJ's past noon, not unless you're on vacation or something.

I am reading a really good book right now. It's good because it's where I am in life. It's called Professionalizing Motherhood. It really makes me think about what I am doing. Staying home with Zoe is so important but really it is pretty amazing how downplayed this role is. A lot of thoughts come to me, thoughts like "aren't you bored," or "I bet you can't wait to get back into teaching," or "don't you need to be out making money" or "what do you do all day?" At the beginning of the book it really attacks this kind of thinking by saying that we really have to shift how we think about staying home with our children. This book makes me think. Listen to this quote...
"We keep hearing the questions asked, "What is happening to the children of today? Why do we have such violence? Why are the children killing

For God so loved...

"For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son..."

John 3:16

John 3:16...one of maybe the best known verses in the Bible. I mean you see it at football games, on street signs, etc. It's everywhere. I wonder if familiarity leads to overlooking the power of a thing? This verse means something different to me and my husband this year. Just the other night Jer looked at me and said something to the effect of "could we give her up?" Just the thought of giving my child for another and at that, for others who don't deserve her or really care that we gave her little innocent life. I immediately thought of the verse "while we were yet sinners...Christ died for the UNGODLY!" WHOA! Not only did God give up His only begotton, He gave Him up for sinners! People that would reject Him, misconstrue His message, take Him out of context, say His name in vain, produce programs proving He didn't exist or that He was just a hoax, nail Him to a cross...those are the ones He gave Him for. I am one of those "ones." We all are one of those "ones." (for ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God) I don't think I could give Zoe up if my life depended on it and that is what He did...He gave His Son for those who didn't deserve Him.

At a time when Christmas is becoming a "Happy Holiday" maybe we should all slow down and really meditate on what He gave. Isn't it unbelieveable that God, knowing all, would do what He did? It blows my new mother mind. May this Christmas bring us to a fresh understanding of His ultimate gift...the God-child, the Man who would die to take away that which we can do nothing about nomatter how hard we might try. The One who lives today...may we find that One in a deeper way this year. Merry CHRISTmas! May it be filled with Jesus, the one perfect gift...

"In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." I John 4:10

shelf life

"His thoughts said, I wonder why these special tools are used?
His Father said, "The house, when it was in building, was built of stone made ready before it was brought thither; so that there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard in the house while it was in building.
If thou knewest the disappointment it is to the builders when the stone cannot be used for the house because it was not made ready before it was brought thither, if thou knewest My purpose for thee, thou wouldest welcome any tool if only it prepared thee quietly and perfectly to fit into thy place in the house." -Amy Carmichael

Lately I have felt shelved. You know like I am on the shelf. Don't get me wrong, I like my shelf spot (home with my baby girl) but I also want so badly to be used for God's kingdom. I won't pretend to assume I should be used or that I am in a place to be used but I really want to b. I want Zoe to grow up seeing her mom and dad contributing and living for the Kingdom of God here on earth! I want to leave her a legacy worth something in heavenly currency. But right now I am on the shelf. Of my own choosing? Of my own doing?

Then comes encouragement like it always does. It comes in the form of written words, penned years and years ago by one of my favorites Amy Carmichael. These little nuggets of encouragement always come in unexpected ways and places and they always seem to speak directly to my need. I am thankful for these nuggets for they remind me of the closeness of our God. He is near. He is involved. He knows our situation and He cares about how we are. He doesn't forget us and He doesn't ever abandon us. For this I am grateful.

So now as I type from my shelf I find that there is a song to be sung and a smile to wear even in the midst of obscurity. He continues to work on me and, like Amy's nugget conveyed to me, I will be grateful for any tool that He might use to truly fit me for His use.

peace

Zoe got her shots yesterday. I have to clarify, my parents did not immunize me nor my 5 siblings until we were much older and due to that I was fearful of immunizing my daugher. FEAR...not right in the heart of a child of God. It's funny how the way that you were raised affects your life. No matter how much we change or how far away we get from our childhood we still are so affected. I see it in my marriage. We call it the cool whip debate...which is healthier cool whip or real whipped cream? Well I would say the "real thang" but my husband (who lost his grandfather when he was only 2 to a massive heart attack) was raised to eat "fat free" (even though my side of the debate is that it is loaded with chemicals ie. how I was raised). My experience with cool whip? nil...well that's not true...Mamah had it and oh I was in heaven sneaking finger fulls of it straight out of the freezer. Yeah...how we are raised definately affects us. Ignorance is bliss...if I didn't know cool whip was loaded with chemicals I might enjoy it and if I hadn't grown up hearing about all the dangers of immunizing maybe I wouldn't have been so fearful for the past 2 months of my daughter's life, absolutely fearing the worst to come out of her 2 month check-up. There is truth to the dangers (we totally researched it-only led to more fear), there are dangers either way. In the end, it is really just a choice, not whether or not to immunize but whether or not to trust; a matter of obedience.

Listen to these verses I was on the trail of this morning: John 14:1 "Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me [Jesus]," John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. DO NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED, NOR LET IT BE FEARFUL." And again in John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
There you have it in black and white. So now, as the little precious one He has given us sleeps, I say to myself "let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Thankfully we can change and make new a new course for ourselves...a course of peace and not of fear. Not because this world affords it, or that we can create it, but because He, Jesus, said it. DON'T BE AFRAID.

PEACE.

making of a mommy...

Meet Zoe Margaret Jobson...so little, so dependent, so innocent. Babies are amazing. You can learn so much from them. We chose Zoe's name because it means "life." It's the word in the Greek that means the kind of life that Jesus gives...abundant life...that is our prayer for her.
Zoe is a good baby, she has been since day 1. Currently we are having a struggle with her daytime sleep due to the fact that I created a few "sleep props" that we had to wean her off of the past few days. Can we say CRYING! There really is nothing like the sound of your own baby's cry...it causes an anxiety that I have never known. The minute I hear it my heart skips a beat. Zoe is 6 weeks old she will be 7 weeks on Tuesday. Hard to believe it's been that long it seems like yesterday we brought her home. She is a gift. Another great example of God's grace to me "in spite of myself." I look at this little life that has been entrusted to me and Jeremy and I think wow! okay Lord you see something in me that I don't! I am thankful for Zoe. I am glad that the Lord allowed her to come to us. I am happy that He chose her to teach me more about Him and especially to teach me how to live by His power. (if you've had a baby you know what I mean!)
Back to Zoe...her day goes something like this: She wakes up anywhere between 5:30-6:00 sometimes later. I am not ready to get up yet so most of the time I will take her to bed with us to nurse and dose until about 7 or 7:30. Sometimes we might fall back asleep until 8:00, that is nice:) After her morning feeding (the 8-8:30 one) I get her dressed for her day, she lays on the couch and takes in the world (that is her favorite right now-just laying on her back and looking around). After a little bit of "waketime" Zoe goes down for a nap...this is the part she doesn't care for! It goes like that for the rest of the day. Feed, play, sleep. The life of a babe! Sometimes we go out and run errands which she will usually sleep through. She has started to focus more with her eyes which is awesome. Today she just looked and looked at me. She also has started to smile...you have to work pretty hard...but she'll eventually do it. Talk about giving her mommy a happy rush! Her smile is sooooo precious, she has the cutest dimple ever! Zoe's daddy, Jeremy, is amazing with her. She loves him so much. I feel so blessed to have such an involved husband. He's pretty wonderful too.
The making of a mommy is no easy feat...it keeps you on your toes and grows your heart like nothing else. I am convinced that mommyhood is one of God's greatest tools for learning about death to self...something I have prayed to be better at for many years. May He have His way! Of all the tools He could have chosen to use this one is pretty cute.

Title of this blog...

In spite of me...I guess I should explain the name of my blog. When I was a freshman in college I guess you could say I was on the fence spiritually. I had an intense desire to follow Christ and yet had many other desires which conflicted. I was better, sometimes more than others, at denying desires opposed to following Christ, yet I still stumbled in many ways. It was during one such "stumble" that my best friend Beth said to me after I had spoken to someone about faith in Jesus, "Maggie the Lord really uses you in spite of yourself!" What truth my dear friend had spoken...she nailed it and I have never forgotten it. Even though now almost 8 years later, I don't struggle with the same issues, I still struggle and the Lord still blesses me "in spite of myself." The issues may change but I will always need the irresistable GRACE that first drew me to Himself. He is good like that...covering our sin, meeting our need, challenging our faith, being ever faithful when we are faithless at times. He is amazing and my prayer is that this Grace in spite of me will continue to draw me in and change my life...it can change us all you know!